As September 2009 flows, I haven’t had much time to devote to the When You Gonna Let Me Tap That quest for information. I’m sure my two readers will understand.

I was thinking – I know, I know – but I was wondering what the best conversion rate is and what that says about the people you communicate with. Also, I wonder if this meme is dying so that it remains effective as a valid tactic?

Or maybe everybody’s attention has shifted to People of Walmart. Even 2+2 poker forums have stopped dropping by. The death of this website is already eminent.

I doubt a NUT campaign will start to save this website. And speaking of Jericho … they cancelled Kings too? Really? Ugh. Stupid TV execs.

Okay, where was I. The lack of content in these posts? The lack of gonzo or even post-gonzo? Too many words? More funny people from Walmart less words?

More snark? Less bark?

What’s your conversion rate for when you gonna let me tap that? Care to share? Dare to declare? Bored and dying to comment? We’re moderated, but if you’re funny, you may be featured on the site.

If not, well, go back to reddit or PB Nation or wherever you came from. I guess that’s not the best way to attract people to a website… Oh well. It’s almost dead.

(Now I’m thinking of the Monty Python Parrot Sketch…)

Sometimes you come across a website that you just have to share. Welcome People of Walmart. It’s a very, very new site, but it’s already got some great photos of … people and occurences from Walmart. Yes, Wally World. It’s kinda funny. It’s new so there’s not a whole lot yet, but I imagine this meme is going to go far and strike deep into the American psyche. That’s my post-gonzo prediction anyway.

I don’t know. I don’t like Walmart’s practices since the kids took over. I guess I should say that. There’s a lot of the Internet about Walmart and how they treat their employees. I guess in today’s world, some people are just happy to have a job? Maybe People of Walmart should strive toward hiring a full time Walmart explorer to go deep into the depths of Walmart around the country and find miraculous and scary things.

And I guess I better somehow wrap this into the When You Gonna Let Me Tap That quest that I’m conducting (quite seriously!) Ahem. So I guess it’s the fact that it’s kind of a meme itself. I have to think there’s maybe some guys who don’t want this text thing to get too well known less the “conversion rate” (number of successes) goes down. (Like the dood in this picture from People of Walmart…)

So I guess I’m saying that I think the WYGLMTT meme may slowly die soon? Who knows with the intrawebs. Really. I’m going to keep writing about the madness of the Internet here, however. You’re welcome to read or send your friends to this site to confuse and astound them.

That’s all for now. Bitch in the comments below.

Oh, and welcome to teh internets People of Walmart!

What does Spaced have to do with the When You Gonna Let Me Tap That Meme (known to a few as the WYGLMTT meme)? Well, nothing really. At least on the surface. However, if this post-gonzo experiment (aka what they used to call a magazine in print) takes off, well, I wanna pay the old cast of this show (filled with memes!) to do a reaunion season called Spaced in the USA. Seriously.

Okay, that aside, you really, really should watch this show.

That’s the first episode and if you don’t like it, you should probably surf away (in a tube) away from this website. Quickly and silently. Or slowly and assuredly. Somehow.

Seriously. This is before Simon Pegg got ‘big’ – did he ever do that? Oh yeah, the Zombies.

Back to Spaced, though. (And not my crazy vision for a future Spaced. Ooh, that’s a better title that Spaced in the USA, I think. But I digress (without progress…) So check out another episode and enjoy this top ten of all time television extrava-stanzas!

Ok, to further this experiment and add a little randomness, I have acquired a cat and changed its name to “gonzo.” Please do not tell the previous owner. What does this have to do with the whole WYGLMTT thing? Well, nothing really. But I wanted to write something for the one lone lunatic who is following this quest of mine. I think his name is Harold. Nah, screw that. It’s a female reader. Martha? Martha Jones (anyone get THAT reference?)

Where was I? Oh yeah, the cat. It’s kinda crazier and weirder than I am. The name change just kinda came to me the other day and the cat seems to like it okay, but you know how cats are, right? It fits into the household, though. It took a bit, but it’s adapting to my weird routines (up late trying to figure out how to get this burning question of mine into the public eye – when you gonna let me tap that?)

I should stop mixing metaphors. And stop writing too perhaps. I have the bug, though. I mean, I’m writing about changing the name of my cat. Like you guys care. You’re here for serious journalism, I bet, right? Some Anderson Cooper 360 action? (Who IS Anderson Cooper dating and why would anyone care? If you’re playing along at home with the workbook, that’s your homework. That’s right, school’s back in…)

Ok, that’s about it for now. Just basically the cat name change. I don’t think that’s illegal or even cutting edge, but it is technically now gonzo … the cat.

Heh. I was investigating the WYGLMTT meme and I noticed that there has been a slight (but growing) surge of interest in the phrase – “tap that dinosaur.” Now, I mentioned a possibly gay dinosaur once here, but I think what they were looking for was this thread at Something Awful. Ironically, a tap that thread. Continue Reading

I know you’re dying to know which of your favorite forums is sending the most traffic to this horrid website. Well, even if you weren’t dying to know, I’m going to fill you in to generate some healthy competition between the various places I’ve mentioned this meme. (And remember, I’m doing this – post-gonzo style – so that I can get to the bottom of the matter or take it to the next level. To be honest, I’m not quite sure yet.)

Anyway, of the forums and social communities online that I’ve contacted, here’s how they rank for ability to send people here:

• twoplustwo Poker Forums – Constant, daily, steady traffic. And one nasty comment! Nice, guys! (They’re actually just behind the big G – Google – for amount of people notified about my insanity.)
• zombie K5 – Again, more hate from here toward me, but people came over to stop by … probably to laugh at me, but oh well. They haven’t added anything pertinent, but I had to drag them into this.
• PB Nation – Surprisingly, one of the hottest forums for WYGLMTT hasn’t sent the most traffic. It was my first contact and spammy, so maybe that has something to do with it? Who knows. No comments from these peeps either.
• reddit – Someone there actually linked. It wasn’t me! They sent a short burst of traffic, but it petered out. Either you’re big with reddit, or you fail. And I fail at the moment.
• secret site. Shhhh!
• Facebook – lol whaa?
• Colbert Nation Forums – The fangirls seemed to tolerate me. After posting about my quest, other people started to post their websites. Whoops. I wasn’t too spammy, I don’t think. Maybe not too funny either, though. Oh well.
• MySpace
• Digg
• Big Media
• Big Media Group
• Baby Twitter

Well, there you have it. An entirely worthless list of the traffic that has floated by so far … over a thousand people and counting. Who have you told today? Start bugging me with correspondence so that I launch the site to compete with canitapthat.com. (Haha. Seriously, tho… I code too and can throw something together like that. This mothership site of the project is more of a magazine, though. A post-modern post-blog post-gonzo website…)

Where was I? Oh yeah … how well will your forum rank on the WYGLMTT list?

Another day, another forum thread about tapping that. This time it’s the twoplus two poker forum. Seems to be a cool place, but unfortunately I don’t have time to stick around at every new forum I wander through trying to find a scrap of information about the When You Gonna Let Me Tap That meme. And I don’t think most of these communities want me there in the first place.

The greeting was a little friendlier this time. It could’ve been my approach, or it coulda been the people on this forum. One person did say (constructively!) that the site pretty much sucks. Oh well. Life goes on. It’s my sounding board for the moment as I try to wrap my thoughts around the complexity of Internet social memes – how they spread, how they start, how they end.

If you like poker, though, I suggest you go check out twoplustwo forums unless you’re there already. Seems to be good people for the most part. I did just kinda drop by unnannounced and leave suddenly, though.

I do work for a living, so I only have so much time to invest in this mad quest to find out about this meme and share it with you. And I really should have a better way to get to the meat of the matter. Less foreplay so to speak and straight to the Tap That texts …

It will happen. The site is less than a week old still. That’s a tiny, tiny baby in Internet years. Things will happen. The site will change.

People will come…

Where to begin? I think I’ll start with the middle. The elephant walked out and that was the last they saw of him!

No, that’s not it. Oh yeah, I have a viral post-gonzo journalism website idea called http://www.WhenYouGonnaLetMeTapThat.com

Here’s the deal. I was (and am – publicly on the site) going to offer both you and Jon Stewart the opportunity … NAY! the gift of being the first to mention this humble domain name on your very popular television show. In exchange for being the first on tv to mention the meme that’s gonna bloom, I may throw up a large headshot of the winner permanently on the website (which is bound to get a little traffic from the mention on your show, I imagine.)

In the case of Mr. Colbert, if you feel your head is too big, I can make it a small large headshot via photoshop. I would personally be doing this work, as I’m a one-man journalism maelstorm and have no interns at my disposal at the moment. (Long story/short novel there…) Oh! And hats off, sir, for going to see the troops a few months back. Very cool!

Ok, that’s it. If you’re an intern reading this and wondering if you should delete this or not ask yourself if I made you smile. If I didn’t you probably shouldn’t be working there. Keep your mouth shut and delete this email and you should be okay. On the other hand, by being the person to deliver this message (minus this paragraph even! hehe sneaky!) then … well, let’s just say you’ll definitely get what’s coming to you. Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful offer? But wait, there’s more!

Since Stewart is sooooo big he doesn’t even have an email contact on his comedycentral page, you’re getting this first! That’s right, I’m giving you a chance to jump ahead in the arms race that is the comedy coming from you two. (Note to intern – don’t erase this paragraph like the other one!)

But yeah, I may go tweet him or twitter him or something, but I’m not entirely sure yet. Twitter just seems … well, I don’t know. Like something out of the movie Brazil almost, you know? Little messages coming out all the time – I went to the loo. I want tea. I like crumpets! Etc ad naseum.

This offer is going to you first, kind sir. (Just ’cause Stewart is too snooty or smart to leave an email hanging on his website…) I hope you understand the seriousness of this subject matter.

I kindly await your further communication. In case you’re wondering, I’m not writing this in an Internet Cafe in Nigeria. (Although at this point if the show graciously decided to send me there on assignment, I would probably go!)

May the farce be with you.

–
–
Best,
K. Paul Mallasch – Publisher

Noticed a lone link from reddit. I highly doubt it goes anywhere there, but for those on the internets that drift here I wanted to welcome you and creep you out a little by being so quick to react (as a website) to the knowledge that you know I know that you know that I know you exist. Or I exist. One of the two. Sigh. It’s late.

Seriously, though. If any of you passing through have ANY information or lore (or good examples) of When You Gonna Let Me Tap That, please sign-up for an account and leave a comment OR send me an email using the form to the right side of this website somewhere. (I sound like a damn flight attendant. If you feel turbulence while reading this website … you’re outta luck. It’s not my fault…)

I wonder if I could hire John Cleese to do a voiceover for this site. That would be cool, I think. What do you think reddit? Any info or clues? Anything funny to add to this experiment? A nod or mention? A pass on to your friends to brighten up their HUMP DAY?

Me: When You gonna let me tap that?
Her: Hump-Day of course, silly.

Anyway, reddit, welcome. Excuse the mess. This site is a brand spanking three or four days old now. So untarnished and without any in-jokes at all! Who will be the first to speak? Someone from reddit perhaps?

I think that’s about it for now. If I think of anything else, I’ll add it here or below or somewhere on this crazy ship website something or other…

Well, I sent out an email to a journalism email list I’m on asking about this site. So, in a way I asked them if I could tap that. I told them I realized it wasn’t “real journalism” (it’s post-gonzo journalism), but that it might be useful in ways they like (i.e. money…) One answer back from someone quite respected that was positive. I do think I’m on to something here. I don’t think any of them will have any answers about the meme…

I’m getting a little sidetracked. There’s a ton of ideas for this site, but only so much time. And the site is barely three days old. That’s something to remember. Ah, remember the days… I’ll be saying someday. Anyway, just another note that another group (journalists) has been notified of my experiment to engage the public to get to the bottom of this (and have a laugh along the way maybe…)

I also made contact at Lawrence.com (special for reasons known to those in the industry – old stomping grounds for some big names in online journalism…) No word back from them yet. The post was a few days old.

Meanwhile, I continue my life with this site in the background sitting and reading to Boom Goes the Dynamite. (Shout out to Ball State University…) Will a guest to David Letterman please ask him When You Gonna Let Me Tap That? Has any celebrity used the phrase yet? Is it above them? Under them? Celebrities are a weird lot. They deserve a website all their own if you ask me.

Anyway, I’ve asked big media and am awaiting an answer. Maybe another journalist or two will show up here to help me get things in order on this difficult and open-ended assignment.

Heading to K5 to ask about When You Gonna Let Me Tap That was probably just as bad as heading to PBNation to blindly ask about it there. The thing is, I have a history at K5.  Still, I hadn’t been there in a while and didn’t expect too much of a greeting.

Of course I was greeted with newbie trolls right off the bat. I was in the diary section after all. MMM stopped by, as did localroger. And that was kinda cool. He admitted he didn’t know what WYGLMTT was and that this site didn’t really help him understand it. Heh. Maybe it really is gonzo journalism. That or I don’t know what I’m doing. (Those are the same thing?)

Anyway, it was cool to see a few old usernames in one of my old haunts. Most others laughed or ridiculed at this site, though, which is to be expected, I guess. We shall see in the end, when I get to the end of this journey – wherever it might lead.

I made contact at K5 for this experiment, and the link is here – MLP style. (Heh. Private joke. Take THAT PB Nation!) What once was a great site (K5), is now a shambling mass of loose bits of flesh. Too much like a zombie to not say it’s very zombie-like, ya know? And it pains me to say that. Maybe I’ll go back and submit myself to the queue there once or twice again. We shall see.

For now, though, I sit back and watch as people wander through this experiment without saying anything or laughing and pointing at a distance. Time moves on. The web continues.

Will this site get better? Who knows for sure. I’m not gonna lie to you and say I do, because I don’t. We shall see as things progress.

Til next time, goodnight K5.

My first contact was the most recent When You Gonna Let Me Tap That Thread at PB Nation at time of posting this. It appeared to be the largest and longest running thread about When You Gonna Let Me Tap That with a quick glance at the Google SERPs (Search Engine Results Pages.)

As you might imagine, my attempts at introductions came off as a little spammy. This is gonzo style journalism, though, and I don’t have time for normal journalism niceties. Heh.

Seriously, though, I was greeted (quite expected) with several GTFO’s. (Oddly, similar to my first failed attempt at sending a WYGLMTT message – WTF? was the answer.) I persisted, though, acknowledging that I was a journalist.

On further consideration, this may have been a mistake. I’m not sure yet. Some more senior members stepped forward and said it hadn’t spread to them – they were the originators (as linked from Reddit…) Although … it had it’s real birth in the bowels of 4chan.

Ruh, row, scooby. That’s a scary place!

Hah. Still, though, not bad for a first contact I think on this crazy gonzo journalism adventure to get to the bottom of who the first person to send this text message was. Or even the first person to post it on the Internet.

As I said, PB Nation has it’s place in this story, and a prominent place at that. I’ll probably be banned from that forum for life, but I imagine journalists have been kicked out of places for a long time now. I walked in and said hello, though, for this site, for this experiment, for this walk down a path that will lead us who knows where.

Second and subsequent contacts and more information as it arises.